7th July 2014

You know, that Twolegs is an odd one. He was here yesterday and he was INSIDE the big noisy round-legged thing and was not being eaten by it. Extraordinary. He was able to get in and out of it and it only moved when he was in it. We saw it once before but in the distance and I am sure Twolegs was not there then.

Anyway it was moving about making a lot of noise and it was eating thistles and spitting them out behind it but not pooing because they were still green and fresh, not like poo at all, and remember I know poo! I think Twolegs and the noisy round- legged thing were deliberately attacking the thistles which is great news because the thistles are not good for a calf’s nose I can tell you.

In fact I think Twolegs might not be such an idiot after all, extraordinary as that may seem!

However, during the proceedings Twolegs and the noisy round-legged thing tried to eat a branch that was hiding in the thistles. What a racket there was and everything ground to a halt and Twolegs climbed out making those funny noises of his and shaking his stupid head.

He then crawled under the eating, spitting bit and more noises come from him and then when he came back out and stood up, he banged his stupid hornless head on the spitting thing. You should have seen him dancing round in circles clutching his head with his hooves and making, what were clearly, quite cross noises.

He IS an idiot and that’s the end of it.

Wilde a calf